shadow work — Journal — Jane Elizabeth Almirall

If you have ever had a reading from me, and had The Hierophant turn up, then you know that this is a card that I have had mad beefs struggles with.

For years, The Hierophant represented so much of what I resisted in the world: authority figures, pillars of tradition, organized religion and dogmatic structure. Some of my disdain could be chalked up with the ignorance and arrogance that accompany youthful conviction, but some of it was also born out of personal experience and confirmed biases resulting therein.

I won’t lie, a part of me still flinches a little when this card appears to me, but I have been working with the energy of The Hierophant for years and have come around on this stern-seeming taskmaster. For me, The Hierophant has come to represent a form of surrender and an invitation to engage in a much deeper learning by embracing the generational knowledge that is forged (and forgotten) by time. The point isn’t to futz around trying to re-invent the wheel, but rather to learn the rules, inside and out, so that one can effectively break them when necessary.

The Hierophant appears to us as is an invitation to cultivate our deepest inner knowledge, to accrue the wisdom of the ages and become our own teacher and guide. To embody the Hierophant is to engage with our shadows, integrating our darkness and meeting it fully with grace and compassion; holding the keys to Heaven and Hell and knowing that where we direct our focus and attention directly creates the reality which we experience.

For me and my art practice, the lesson of The Hierophant first meant attending art school and completing an MFA program in painting; pursuing gallery and museum exhibitions, applying for grants, and residencies; and choosing subject matter and art techniques/expressions that I hoped would appeal to art collectors. Through this gateway of tradition and establishment, I was able to uncover a more meaningful (to me) purpose for art - art as a means to communicate lost, esoteric teachings, a magickal expression and our connection to the divine. I can clearly see my patterns now, and understand why it was necessary for me to learn and be active in the traditional art world, so that my decision to turn away from it would be an informed one.

My Shadow aspects came in droves when I first accepted this lesson, all my fears and shame came to the surface like a dam breaking.

My inner voice taunted me at first,

‘Are you afraid to paint mermaids and faeries and dragons because none of your peers will take you seriously (at best) and or think you are batshit crazy (at worst)? Well good, because you are going to paint mermaids and faeries and all the ‘girlie’ magical shit you loved so much as a child and you will like it, best stock up on pink colors because you are going to be using them ALL THE TIME.’

Which is exactly what did. I accepted the challenge of digging into my own six-demon-bag and integrated the ever-living shit out of my shadows.

The keys to Heaven and Hell are in my hands and In this way, art has become a form of deepening my connection to the unknown mysteries. My homework has been to understand, accept, and implement this principle of the power of my mindset - that where I direct my will, creates my reality - so it is imperative that my intentions are clear.

Heaven and Hell, we are meant to experience and learn from both. The art which I channel carries lessons on the wings of faeries, the horns of demons, and the scales of dragons. I don’t have to understand why I am painting them, I only have to bring them forth from the unknown and onto a page.

I’m banking that some of you, like myself, have done some shadow work. For me, acceptance has always been the most difficult aspect of integrating the masked parts of my soul - in a healthy way - with what I chose to present. I mean, after working so hard to bury and hide the dang thing, it’s hard enough to look at it face to face - let alone set a place for it at your table and really dig in - amirite? It can be some heavy, HEAVY shit, so it helps sometimes to find levity and laughter in the process.

There is a psychological exercise that I love to practice for deepening your self knowledge and understanding, which sounds super boring and not fun at all when you put it that way, but it’s actually GOOD TIMES INDEED.

To play, you simply have to identify three characters from a fictional work (this can be in literature, film, television, comics - anything) and then relate these three characters to yourself in a specific way. The first character you chose, is one with whom you feel most aligned. You see a lot of yourself in this character, flaws and all - this is a character that you deeply identify with right now. It’s good to identify what you share in common with them, you may find that you admire certain aspects of their personality that you also possess (for example a shared, creative resourcefulness or the ability to find humor in unlikely places).

Your second character is where it can get really interesting, because this one is chosen because you can’t stand them. You strongly dislike this character, you might even say you hate them, and as you identify the traits in this character that bum you out….you discover that you share some of THOSE needling aspects as well. It’s a Jungian concept, that what you dislike most in others is usually what you also can’t tolerate about yourself - and this is the very shit that we often try to mask or hide. It’s shadow work, y’all! Sit with this a minute, you might even take this as an opportunity to have some empathy and compassion for this maligned character, and hopefully for yourself too.

Now, the third character is a little bit different, because this one is chosen for being aspirational. Which character do you look up to and admire? With whom do you wish you were more alike, and why? This a way to identify your highest self, the person whom you most wish to become on your journey. And again, when you start to name the reasons that you aspire to be this kind of character, you are identifying traits in yourself that you wish to develop and cultivate. It’s pretty awesome.

When I most recently took a crack at it, I chose some characters from Star Trek The Next Generation to keep it streamlined (but also because that show has excellent characters to choose from)!

Here is an example if you are interested in doing this exercise for yourself!

~ The character whom I identify with most: Lieutenant Worf. Why? Initially I was charmed by his grumpy demeanor but I found commonality in our shared dislike of the performing arts, our love for ritual, our tolerance for suffering and the deep love we have for our children in spite of our complete befuddlement by the act of parenting.

~ The character whom I like the least: Counselor Deanna Troi. At first I was mortified by Counselor Troi. Initially, I didn’t see the point of her and I hated her adult onesie. When I remarked that she seemed pointless and asked what her actual job was on the Starship Enterprise, my husband pointed at me and laughed before bellowing, ‘She’s an EMPATH!”. As an empath, I immediately understood my own shame. Deanna Troi with her stupid unitard were putting a big, red, honking clown nose on an ability that I myself have, and one which is already questioned and mocked by many. And….here was the shadow work kicker in the pants: I worry that what may be some of my better gifts in this life - my empathy and clairsentience - are in fact, worthless. (Out of respect for the Counselor and because of our shared traits, I selected a photo of Troi in her actual uniform, which she didn’t even get until the sixth season).

~ The character whom I most aspire to be: Q. I know Q is more of a villain type on this show, but hear me out - Q is awesome. Yes, he did show up on the ship with the intention of messing with and tormenting Jean Luc Picard, but each time he turns up, he leaves the ship better than how he found it and often parts ways with a valuable lesson providing self-reflection and acceptance for the crew members.. Q’s power and ability is seemingly limitless - which rules - and when he shows up with a mariachi band and pitcher of margaritas, you know he is DTF (with Picard, in a non-sexual, trickster type of way)! Q is living his best life, amusing himself to the fullest and seizing on every teachable moment which comes his way….even creating scenarios by which one is able to gain a greater perspective on their own life. During a very amusing episode in which Q’s powers are briefly stripped - leaving him human and vulnerable and prone to eating 10 chocolate sundaes at once - Q becomes horribly depressed and despondent. Upon regaining his god-like abilities, he is immediately struck with gratitude for how awesome his life actually is and he peaces out immediately and becomes a more benevolent, hilarious, life-coach type of god….which, yes he is still fucking with people, but in a helpful way, which I admire.

Q, ready to party, being awesome.